Learning What It's Like to Fuck Yourself
It really is amazing the things you can learn on the internet. Today I learned there is a mathematical formula for beer goggles, the age of consent in
This is not something I am used to, having a girl talk about me in that way in a public forum, but I can’t say I didn’t find it at least a little bit flattering. Since she didn’t say anything particularly awful, probably figuring that at some point I would find it. So, thanks. But what I found especially interesting is that while there is some mention of me, the gist of the post is her talking about herself and her own perceived sexual inadequacies.
This girl had heard stories about a lot of the truly talented women I’d been with (many of which she thought were made up) and I guess felt like she didn’t measure up. Well, as any reader of this blog knows I haven’t exactly been re-enacting 9 ½ weeks in my bedroom of late, but even given my recently extremely low standards for excellence, she was actually pretty good. Of course this is not what she thought.
What I found most interesting was that this girl talked almost exclusively about her own sexual performance, and, more importantly, how terrible she thought it was. This is surprising because I often think performance is more critiqued of the male and not the female, and most girls don’t really think about whether they’re good or bad but whether or not they look good.
This was sort of an eye-opener for me. Do girls really pay that much attention to their own performance during sex, to the point that they more or less discount yours? Like, as I read this post, there was nary a mention of anything I did (and maybe that’s because I was terrible and she didn’t want to write about it to offend me) but more about why she thought she was bad. I really hope this is not the case. But I guess we are all really that self-centered ,aren’t we? And now I know that a lot of times when I sleep with a girl what I do is neither here nor there, and most of her memories will be of what she did and not me. Kind of sad, really, but at the same time kind of a relief.
I also learned that I am not only attractive but have some sort of confidence that’s totally hot. Now, the first part I understand. But the second? One thing I have never thought of myself as was “confident.” Like I pretty much assume girls are just talking to me to get free drinks, and even if they stick around it’s only because they think I look good. I remember calling the girl who wrote this thing for a second “date” and saying something like “Uh, yeah, is this too late to call you? I mean, I totally understand if you don’t want to come over since I said I’d call you a lot earlier. I hate when people do that to me. I’m sorry.” Not exactly brimming with self-assurance, is it? But I guess the way we perceive ourselves and the way others see us is often not the same thing.
But past all the talk about me, it really is amazing the things you can learn by surfing the internet. I never thought I’d get an honest account of the other side of having sex with me, but given that this is the information age I guess I shouldn’t’ be surprised. Happy Thanksgiving , everyone! Make sure you fill up on