Law School: Residual Career Path for The Directionless
Let’s say you are in your senior year of undergrad. You’ve been keg-standing it away for the past 7 semesters and now it is slowly dawning on you that your days of ice-luges and 19-year-old girls are over. The real world is calling you in from playtime like mom used to for dinner, and the only option staring you in the face is 45 years of waking up before the sun comes out and fighting traffic to sit at a desk. So what are you going to do? That sociology major may have come in handy for the eight guys on the football team being drafted in the first round, but most of the finer marketing firms and I-banks in your hometown don’t exactly fight over guys with a 3.1 and a major that nobody can describe. Including yourself. And you definitely don’t want the party to end, but how do you keep it going?
Or maybe you took some job out of college just to get your parents off your back, using your major less often than you use your VCR and complaining about it on a daily basis. It pays only slightly more than waiting tables at Chili’s, and even that is barely making the rent you split with your four roommates. It is beginning to dawn on you how impossible it is to get laid after college (at least by anything under 35 years and/or 200 pounds) without some serious loot. You need to start making money, and fast, or you may be dooming yourself to 45 years at an unrewarding job and an even more unrewarding sex life. But how do you go from making less than the guy serving you the scotch you drown your sorrows in to owning a condo, a flatscreen and a PS3?
Yes, kids, the answer is simple:
Try working 60 hour weeks researching minute technicalities that, if you are successful, will free a likely-guilty child molester. Try writing 100 page appeals for some convoluted business deal that went wrong where neither party really deserves to win. And if you’re lucky, they’ll give you more work. If not, you’ll be fired. Sound like fun? If it does, then you are on the right path. Is the money good? I suppose, but then factor in that your new “friends” make a lot more than you so $5 pitcher night is not going to be so much their idea of a good time as the $14 martini bar. Oh yeah, and there’s that issue of the $140,000 you owe to that institution named on your JD.
Of all the people I know who’ve gone on to law school, you know how many I know who actually wanted to be lawyers? 1. And that’s my sister, who’s mother is a lawyer. And if her mom had been a street walking whore for a year, my sister would have somehow found a way to work that into her life plan. The rest? They just had nothing better to do so they took the LSATs. Maybe they will be successful and maybe they will live happy fulfilling lives. Or so they will tell you. Until then, it’s 3 more years of endless studying followed by several more years of endless workdays. Have fun with that, kids. You know where to find me.